My Bloody Muse

Pseudo Suicide

Wed, 31 Oct 2012 22:09:35 -0400

He came home every night
Climbed the stairs
Threw the bedroom door open
Rummaged through his sock drawer
For a bottle of whiskey and his. 44
Sat on the foot of the bed
Drank the bottle down
Put the gun in his mouth
And pulled the trigger
In the morning, he’d wake up
Stuff his brains back in sideways
And do it all over again
Until she came along
She changed everything
She was the kind of girl
You didn’t want to light a match near
The kind of wild card
You’d get shot for playing in Vegas
She had fire in her eyes
And between her legs
And she would be in his bed tonight
Instead of cheap booze and a bullet
Tonight will be different
Tonight, he’ll overdose
And in the morning, she’ll be gone
And he’ll be dead

Feeling particularly sappy today, so...

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 22:56:33 -0400

From so far away
I still feel your hands upon
My flesh, spirit and heart

"Ever have one of those... those days?"

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 00:57:00 -0400

You know the kind.

You stir into blurry consciousness and stare at the ceiling and it just looks wrong. Your pillow whispers to you repeatedly that you didn’t get enough sleep and you should really stay here for another three hours.

And, hell’s bells, do you want to.

But you don’t because the system demands that you be at least semi-productive today. Gods forbid you have a weekday to yourself. And besides, the alarm clock has been buzzing for the past 45 minutes anyway.

So you wrench yourself forcibly from your bed, take a luke-warm shower because the damn water heater is on the fritz again, throw on clothes that you hate because you forgot to do laundry yesterday, get your things together (well, most of your things; on a day like this you will always, invariably forget something), rush out the door to your vehicle and thrust yourself hastily into today’s thirty-minute delay.

Oh, and did I mention that you only have 15 minutes left until your shift starts?

Yeah.

So, you arrive to work late and make some lame excuse to your asshole boss whom caught you trying to sneak in without being seen. He chews you out, which is a great way to prepare for the usual, daily shit-shoveling. On any normal day, you’d be able to handle the monotony, the automatons you call coworkers, your dick-faced manager and that godforsaken printer that seems to eat only your documents.

But this isn’t any normal day, remember?

You don’t want to deal with this crap. They couldn’t pay you enough. You just want to trash your workstation, slap your coworkers, tell your boss to eat a big bag of dicks, smash that fucking printer with a crowbar, go home and drink yourself into a stupor.

And by golly, you should.

But despite your natural urges to give your horrible situation exactly what it deserves, you maintain control and manage to do only just enough work to keep the boss off your ass.

The day crawls sluggishly onwards. Lunch time. Finally, a break. Except, you just remembered what it was you forgot on your way out the door:

Lunch. Fuck.

Your only salvation is a pop tart from the vending machine that you were lucky to find just enough change for after rifling through your desk for twenty minutes. Hey, it’s better than starving, right?

Your brief respite is ended and you drag your feet all the way back to your desk. The hours march on like prisoners of war: reluctant, but resolved lest they be skewered. Your blood sugar gets low and you begin to nod off. You snap awake just in time for the boss to stalk past your workstation and give you the eye. You excuse yourself to the restroom and lock yourself in the stall with your head in your hands.

Just one more hour, you pray. Please, just let me survive for just one more hour.

Maybe you punch the wall a few times on the way out of the restroom to keep yourself awake. Whatever, I’m not judging.

You make it through the last hour and rush to your vehicle just in time to thrust yourself back into rush hour traffic. You don’t even have the energy to be pissed at the dumb cunt what just cut you off because she was too busy sexting her boyfriend.

You don’t care anymore. You just want it to be over.

After another hour, you finally make it home and immediately dive head first into a bottle of whiskey. Or gin. Or vodka, whatever blows your skirt up. You spend the rest of the night drunkenly ignoring phone calls and watching whatever sex-and-violence filled movies happen to be on TV. And as your consciousness gradually fades, you think to yourself:

Tomorrow will be better.

It has to be.

Cosmonaut

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 21:58:09 -0400

On nights like this,
Cool and clear skies
Beckon me up to the roof
Where I will sit with my music,
My book and my pen
And together, we’ll fly
Up through the atmosphere
And out into the cosmos
We’ll orbit the stars
And navigate asteroid fields
In search of places
No one will ever know
And though we will continue
Searching for signs of life
Every planet we reach is dead

The Bottle

Sat, 20 Oct 2012 05:39:00 -0400

He stared at the screen for a long minute. The beer in front of him tried to block his view as if it were jealous that he wasn’t paying attention to it. He brought the bottle to his lips enjoyed a long, slow sip as an apology. It forgave him.

“Well, my friend… I suppose I’ll miss you,” he said into the bottle. It looked at him quizzically.

“I have to put you down, you see. I have other matters I need to attend to.”

It stared at him incredulously. It couldn’t believe the words it was hearing. Tears began to form around its rim. He caught them with his tongue.

“I know, I know. I’ve enjoyed your company for many years. This isn’t goodbye for good, mind you. I just need some space while I sort myself out.”

The bottle sighed with disappointment, but it understood. It was used to a commitment, but this boy was different.

“Three months and I’ll come back to visit, I promise.”

The bottle nodded and received one last kiss from him.

But despite his promise, it couldn’t help but feel empty inside…

Ad Infinitum

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 19:07:53 -0400

Hello.

So, my muse has finally decided to peek out of its pretty shell and grant me the remains of a little piece I started some months ago. I plan to turn this into a song once I can afford some new equipment. Enjoy.

In a jar full of stars,
An anomaly
Falling right, but not quite
Where you need to be.
Setting suns, on they run
From the father, Time.
Break-neck pace, spin in place,
Such a lovely crime.

With light so bright, the darkness hearkens near.

Pent up rage fills this page
With the universe
Counting years, cosmic fears
Till it will disperse
Outward spiral, denial
Of the only truth
Floating past, make it last
Lest it steal my youth

The world unfurled, the ink, I think, bleeds through

Making something from nothing
Improbable
In the middle of riddles
Unsolvable
Crushing fate, need to sate
Curiosity
All I’ve missed breeding this
Cold insanity

Without much doubt, I find my mind… shattering

Came unto this crystal clarity
Calling, reaching out, embracing me
Before me, I’ve glimpsed God and Firmament
In death I have achieved enlightenment

Dear, pen and paper,

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 02:16:02 -0400

I’m sorry that you haven’t seen much of me lately. Hardly at all in the past month or so, now that I recall. The words just don’t seem to come to me anymore. Hell, I’m even having a hard time forming these words right now. It’s not that I don’t have ideas because my commonplace book is full of them. But every time I turn the pages of that book, instead of the usual flood of words, I get a dried up riverbed where they once flowed so freely. A blank sheet of paper once excited me. It made the wheels of my mind turn with endless possibilities. Now, one glance at that same sheet of paper puts a rod between the cogs and stops the process completely. This kind of thing has happened before, but never for so long. I’m not sure what to make of it. I do hope to remedy my condition and return to you both soon, for I miss you so. In the mean time, I’ll continue to do what I can.

Yours, with love,

This is so going to happen to me now.

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 04:43:11 -0400

This is so going to happen to me now.

The Color of Insanity

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 04:30:54 -0400

A little taste of madness

To remind me what I’ve missed

Dances ‘cross my lips and tongue

And spreads from where you’ve kissed

“Give yourself to me,” you say

Or so your eyes bespeak

Cascades of your auburn hair

Redolence leaves me weak

I swore an oath beneath the stars

To all the gods above

To ne’er again want of your lust

Your discomposing love

And so, my dear, I find myself

An impasse quite profound

For tempting as your flesh may be

I must remain oath bound

My pleas of you for sanity

Fall mute upon your ear

I’m left with no recourse save one

A bitter path, I fear

And thus, with caustic tears I find

An ending to my strife

You’ve bereft me of my senses

I’ve bereft you of your life

No shame.

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 01:25:00 -0400

Now in possession of all of Adventure Time and Gumball. Vegetation imminent.

Next on the queue… Ponies. YEAH. I SAID IT. JUDGE ME. JUDGE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Unrequited

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 18:31:18 -0400

I
Wish
You could
Feel just how
Hot my tinderbox
Heart burns for you, my darling love
You seem cold to my
Scorching flames
I’ll still
Love
You

I think I’ve run dry… I started something yesterday and promptly lost it. Can’t...

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 19:31:38 -0400

I think I’ve run dry… I started something yesterday and promptly lost it. Can’t find my commonplace book AGAIN…. I give up for now.

Character

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 18:18:19 -0400

In the beginning, you were but a thought.

One singular, gleaming spark.

Then a congregation of words, ideas, feelings, emotions.

Expression took hold of you and painted you across the canvas of my mind.

And now, here you are before me.

A dream made manifest.

Your paper heart pumps ink like blood through your veins.

May you soar to dizzying highs and fall to the bleakest lows.

May you experience all that you can in the name of the sacred story.

May your journey never end.

I think I’m too easily amused sometimes.

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 04:14:24 -0400

I think I’m too easily amused sometimes.

Hiatus, cont'd

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 03:27:00 -0400

Interesting week ahead. Will keep my commonplace book with me at all times, but I’ll be scarce here until the end of next weekend, probably. Hope everyone has a happy Fourth. Burn brightly!

Only two things to do in a blackout. Get drunk… one thing...

Sat, 30 Jun 2012 01:29:43 -0400

Only two things to do in a blackout. Get drunk… one thing to do.

Dream Lover

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 18:40:35 -0400

You came to me in dreams of silk
All sapphire eyes and ruby curls
You traced my bones with love in your hands
And drank my mind from my lips
In that euphoric moment
I wanted to travel your veins like the sea
Guided by your north star heart
But, oh, how you make me loathe the mornng’s light
For, my darling, you were just a cruel trick
Devised by my poor, broken heart
I hope with each passing day
That I’ll meet you manifest in the waking world
But until then
I can only continue chasing you
Through the realm of dreams

So.

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 03:14:28 -0400

I may not be posting anything for a while. My muse has seen fit to grant me more of a big, monsterous story I’ve been outlining for a while now and I want to put all my efforts towards that. I may get sidetracked and post something small and random here and there, more tarot movements maybe. If I come up with anything profound in my writing adventures, I’ll be sure to put them up. If it turns out that I can actually put an entire chapter up before I run out of creative blargh, hey awesome. But I won’t get my hopes too high. My muse is such a fickle creature.

Bonsoir a tout le monde. <3

Tarot Movement #4

Fri, 29 Jun 2012 02:44:00 -0400

The magician in all his wit

Must use his skill against himself

For his two wands have shown

That he is his own enemy

When his battle has ended

He shall enjoy ten cups of wine

And toast to the eight stars in the sky

That he is whole once again

The Man and the Mountain

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 18:41:00 -0400

There was once an elderly man who lived in a large city. The city was all this man had ever known. He could find anything he wanted by simply walking no more than a block away from his home. If you had asked him, he would have said that he lived a fairly happy life. As he approached the day of his death, however, he grew increasingly empty inside. He began to question his existence and look back on his life with contempt. Was it all for nothing? Not content to just wait out the rest of his days with such burning questions in his heart, he left the city with nothing but the clothes on his back and traveled up to the summit of a great mountain. Once at the top, he shed his clothes, cast them away, and laid bare on the ground, staring up at the sky. Once removed from the burden of possession and the constant distractions of city life, he began to see true happiness painted across that mountainous scene. The sky looked back down upon him and grinned a peaceful, heavenly grin. Through that crack in the sky, he spied the cosmos themselves, swirling chaotically but gracefully. The bent down to pick him up and danced with him across a great black expanse. He saw time unravel before him and he laughed. He laughed as he never had before, for he saw that there existed only this moment, that his true nature was spirit and not body, that pain was only an illusion and that he was an eternal being, one with the cosmos and all they held. He laughed until joyous tears streamed from his face. When the heavens returned him to the mountain top, he descended not as an elder, but as a young man. He sold all of his possessions in the city and gave the money away to charity, only to return to that mountain top where he lives to this day in harmony with the universe and at peace with himself for eternity.